


Flickering

by spagtown



Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, PewDiePie - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Blood, Cold, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff, MatPat/Steph are there for like a second, Pack Family, Platonic Relationships, References to Depression, Sibling Bonding, Werewolves, Werewolves Turn Into Actual Wolves, Winter, angst angst angst, family love, felix is a forest ranger, hes also the biggest dad ever, i think YES, is it ooc?, pack dynamics (ISH), shiver au, signe works in a supermarket, temperature affects wolves, wolf - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-05-24 10:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14953313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spagtown/pseuds/spagtown
Summary: The winter's wild clutches hold many. We are it's creatures and are forever locked in it's chilled embrace. All until love's true heart comes and melts it away. Then we'll truely be free.~~~Shiver Au. Where Felix has to deal with the emotional turmoil of looking after fellow pack mates, all whilst dealing with the ones that have left him. While a new threat enters their lives, he has to understand that he must let things go, even if it hurts the most. Felix begins to understand that actions have consequences.(Basically, wolves shifting in the winter/autumn, and the angst that comes with it.)





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> This a new fic idea, i've been working on. Hopefully you enjoy it. This chapter does need a little work, but i'll fix it a little later, I'm just excited to post it now. 
> 
> GET READY FOR THE ANGST. Hopefully, might be badly written. Might not. Hope you guys enjoy anyway! 
> 
> I read the Shiver trilogy (By Maggie Stiefvater) recently, and it was great. It's one of my favourite series, (I highly reccomend reading it!) and suddenly a fic idea popped into my head. But for those who haven't read it , its basically about these characters that are people who shift in the colder months into wolves. The main character has a crush on the girl, and wants to desperately be with her. (This isn't a great summary either, maybe look it upon Goodreads or something) 
> 
> While this fic is based on the trilogy, it does deviate from the book slightly. The cure to this disease is finding that someone that loves you. It must be romantically. (OR DOES IT?)
> 
> (Would like to say that it is based in Maine, but Boundary Woods is a made up place.)  
> ANYWAYS, hope y'all enjoy [This isn't edited at all. so, sorry for mistakes]

_“Prove to me, I’m not gonna die alone”_ ~ The Antlers

__

 

_Before_

The familiar scratching of wheeling on concrete. The ocean waves oddly ferocious in the background. Boys laughter challenging the ocean sound. It was bliss. Ethan’s face bright and bubbly with the prospect of mucking around in a skate park. His weathered board sticky with salt in his hands, and the adrenaline rushing with him as the world blurred behind him. His friends in simple delight, their voices echoing across the rough playground of half pipes and sleep ramps. The wind cold and bitter, its teeth poised and ready. 

The weather was turned dark, as the sun lazily dipped in the painted sky. The wind was just as angry as the raging ocean. The boys all haphazardly looked up to the looming darkness, but did not take the warning. The mood was still curious and joyful. The meagre mundaneness of boys chasing adrenaline, grew timeless and engraved in Ethan’s head. His body responding to the delight with a joyful grin, spreading across his face and up towards his eyes. The eyes that held in place, two jade gems, the most precious thing his humanity could give him. Something he could keep. 

Adrenaline was then filled with pangs of hunger, the boys agreeing to chase the joy once again. The wind whipping the boys into other directions, as they rode away on their boards or scooters. Ethan rubbed his salty hands on the front of his pants while his friend Brian rode beside him. The wind blowing loudly, quickly exterminating any means of proper conversation, but also the screaming of someone. 

Ethan was on the ground and there was a large dog beside him. He quickly dusted himself off, Brian helping him up and asking if he was okay. He was, they both checked to see the dog, that was nearly half their height, looking rather dazed. Its eyes looking to them, looking at then with this human panic. Ethan looked at his friend, they looked around for an owner, but whilst Brian was turned Ethan extended his hand to the dog. It eyes curious, giving his hand a light sniff, huffing a warm air lightly on them. Brain nudged Ethan lightly, seeing a woman with many layers, running towards them. The dog’s pose was stiff and the fur stood on its ends, the boys made haste trying to back away slightly, but it was too late. A car rushed by the boys, and honked loudly at someone crossing the small beach rode. The dog grew panicked, to which Ethan caringly place his hands out in a “calm down” motion, but the dog’s teeth grabbed around Ethan’s wrist. He cried out lightly, as he tried to remove his arm from the dog. Brian beside him, trying to push the dog away. 

The woman now near them with fear in her eyes. Her voice pure anger, with more ice than the chilling air, calling the dog. Its eyes look to her, but its teeth sinking into Ethan. She called the dog’s name, “Matt” to stop, this time the dog’s grip loosens, giving Ethan enough leverage to use his foot to kick the dog away from him. 

A yelp sounds out of Matt, but it lets go, and he runs away. The woman look to him with a hard stare. She turns to the boys, specifically Ethan, it immediately falls into worry, her mouth drooping into a slump. She couldn’t even look at the young boy. She instructed him to immediately get the bite checked and tended too, then was halfway down the road without glancing back once. The two boys looked down at the Ethan’s wound, the blood permanently staining the sidewalk and already showing signs of bruising, they briskly walked home, with Brian carrying two boards and Ethan nursing his arm. 

~~~  
The doctor has bandaged his arm, given him antiseptic cream and a shot for rabies. Everything went back to normal. Except his mother, who had tried to find the woman and her large dog, but no-one knew anything about her. It seemed she had ultimately disappeared altogether. Ethan didn’t care too much, sure his arm hurt a lot but the dog was just scared. He didn’t blame “Matt” or his owner at all, he believed it was an accident. 

~~~  
A month had travelled on, and everything was forgotten. The bite marks had sealed up in to light scars, and they didn’t feel sore anymore. Ethan hadn’t forgotten the incident, but it wasn’t something he thought about, just being reminded quickly of the scars on his arm. He remembered being embarrassed when it happened, everything thinking he was some wimp that he couldn’t even defend himself against some dog. His friends roasted him in that regard, but other than that no-one really commented. 

He sat in class, winter settling in. The wind’s teeth tearing through everything, making sure everyone would stay inside fearing its forces. The window outside a barrier against the angry weather. All day is stomach squelched unhappily inside him, previously the day before he had been throwing up, but he didn’t want to make a big deal about it. He was fine, he hoped. His sickness, however, had spread to his bones and they ached bluntly. His body growing hot against the cold winter air to the point he had been sweating under his clothes. He’d take tomorrow off. Now he just wanted to curl into himself and just sleep the sickness away. 

Ethan felt his stomach twist and twirl inside him, his mouth growing full of saliva. A strong feeling of unsettlement shivered down his spine. He had to get out of here, he was going to puke, and he didn’t want it to be in the classroom. He quickly got up out of his seat, mumbling about how he was gonna be sick, and covered his mouth. In a panicked sweat, he saw a bin down the hallway and quickly heaved into the bin. The teacher had come out, and quickly got Brian, who was fortunately in the class seated next to Ethan, to take him to the nurse. 

They waited for his mum to take him home. Brian sitting next to his quite friend on the small bed provided. Brian tried to make Ethan smile, but he could only manage a faint curl of his lips. His limbs were shaking, and he couldn’t even begin to get up. Throwing up had made him feel no better, in fact, he felt worse. It was too much. He felt his stomach swirling unsettled inside him. It was rising inside him, like something was inside him wanting to come up, and he doubled over on the bed side in response. He was breathing hard, and sweat dribbled off him. Brian was next to him worried, and placing a hand on his friends back.  
Something was screaming at him. It was telling him he needed to be outside, this environment was not safe. The room suddenly filled with the strong scent of something chemically, it filled his nose and he couldn’t take it, it made his head pound. Everything was screaming at him, that when he was outside in the open cold air, he couldn’t even believe himself. He was going crazy, and everything overwhelmed him, tears spurted out of his eyes as he just wanted to go home. He fell on his knees and let out a sob, hoping someone would just take away his pain and misery. He wished almost that he was dead, just so the pain would go away. He closed his eyes, as his body shivered in the most painful way possibly. His bones cracked against the pressure, and it felt like his muscles were being wrung tightly as possible. Then his body seared with a hot pain. Darkness closing in on his vision. He suddenly couldn’t think at all. Like it was gone. 

_Everything was gone_

~~~  
Ethan’s eyes opened to a bush in front on him. His breath seeping into his lungs, and thoughts coming back to him in one harsh blow. His head throbbed in conjunction. _What had happened?_ Ethan thought to himself but was answered with his memories showing him nothing. 

A choked sob came out of his mouth, the overwhelming feeling taking over in violent shivers. He now noticed the snow laden ground, as it dusted the ground around him, the spiny trees capturing him in their clawed canopy. His body shivered grew more violent, and he now knew he was naked, his body turning a blue grey. It was again that his body filled with the pain again. 

~~~  
Fear filled his head, when he woke up in someone’s car, bumbling steadily. There was muffled conversation, someone sounded angry. Ethan’s body under a large blanket wrapped around him. His brain pounded heavily. _Where was he? And who are these people_ He wanted nothing but to go home, and be safe. He shifts further in the blanket, and the voices grow more muffled, but the anger is still hanging heavily there. His body tenses as he feels a muffled sob reaches his throat, but he clenches his teeth, and let the tears stream. The front of the car goes silent, and his heart rate grows more rapid, his breathing nearly hitching in his throat. He notices the car has stopped moving, and both the people get out. He’s left alone. 

Ethan’s slowly slides back on to his arms and slowly peek out of the window. There’s deep and dense forest surrounding the car, its cold and dark, and he can’t see much more than the trees in car lights. He falls onto his back, holding the blanket close to him. It only occurs to him now that he’s been kidnapped, and there’s a possibility he’s going to die. Anxiety seeps into his brain, and he quickly reaches for the door handle, but its locked, and grabs on it again and pulls. He knows it’s locked, but he keeps on trying, pulling until he thinks the handle it going to fall off. It still doesn’t budge. He looks at the blanket and then slowly to the window. He rips off the blanket, only to see that he’s still indecent. Embarrassed but still determined, he gets the blanket and speedily wraps it around his right arm. Practising slightly, he pulls his arm back, and slowly towards the window of the right side of the car. He takes a deep breath, and pulls his arm back slowly one last time, and immediately smashes it through the window. It shatters, and glass smashes all over him, it’s not clean, there are jagged remains everywhere. He tries to scrap away all the jagged bits in the window with his covered arm, that now aches, but he’s not entirely successful. Ethan judges the window width, he unwraps the blanket from his arm and places it on the bottom edge. He slowly tries to fit through, he slips, falling the length to the ground the glass scrapping his back stinging in the icy wind. He’s a pile right next to the car. 

A voice echoes in Ethan’s ears and he chokes in fear. A tall man with fluffy hair, and a thick stubble across his jaw and upper lip, runs towards him, he tries to limply get onto his legs but Ethan finds that they have turned to jelly and are stuck on the floor. Its freezing and his body gave a violent shake. The voice is talking to him, but he cannot understand him, the man is distant, and falls limp. 

He’s lifted by the man, and another unfamiliar man who is skinny but spritely. They take him towards a huge two story house that has all its lights on, Ethan only now realises that the people are taking him inside. His mind tells him to get out, to struggle in their grip, but he can’t his limbs are frozen and heavy. 

The house inside is bright and warm, so warm. Its heat washes over Ethan’s shivering skin, it’s so unexpected that a light sweat almost breaks out on Ethan’s forehead. The men both guide him to a room, and place him on a large bed. A blanket placed on top of him, the unfamiliar man ducking his head and leaving promptly. Ethan’s heart was still on overdrive, but he hoped slightly that these people weren’t going to kill him. 

“Hey kid.” The man said with an obvious accent, but Ethan’s couldn’t decipher what it was exactly. He stared at the man, feeling like a younger child. “I’m sorry for the fright that has happened. It wasn’t meant to… happen er- this way. I’m so sorry.” The man looked genuinely apologetic and Ethan could see his own fear reflected in the unfamiliar man’s eyes. 

“I wanna go home.” Ethan quickly squeaked out, his lips were nearly glued together, but slowly opened to his scratchy voice. It didn’t sound like himself. “I don’t know what happened and I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay, we’ll get you home. Please understand that this _all_ was an accident.” The man stood up, and fished his phone out of his back pocket. He placed it in front of the Ethan, with the number keypad present. “Call your parents, tell them that Felix will tell them everything, that’s me by the way. I’ll get you some clothes and be right back.” 

Ethan just nodded, his shaking fingers typing a familiar number. 

“Hello?” His mother’s worried voice echoing into the receiver, making Ethan feel so isolated in this empty room. 

“Mom?” 

“Ethan!” She cried loudly into the receiver “Where are you? What happened?” 

“I-I-I don’t…. know” He struggled tears streaming down his face. “I don’t remember anything, I’m in this …. I don’t know where I am!” He went silent, trying to calm down. “I’m scared.” 

“I know Ethan, I know. It’ll be okay. We just need to find where you are.” Her voice giving away her fear, and the hollowness in her lungs. 

The man, Felix, came back in with a pair of jeans and a hoodie, looking a little too big for Ethan’s small frame, but he was grateful to less vulnerable under his blanket. He sat on the edge of the bed, furthest away from Ethan, but he gave off a warm vibe. He now saw Felix had many layers on, and nothing of him beared any skin, he even had gloves on. Ethan’s attention turned back to his mother on the phone. 

“You’re in the Boundary woods.” He nodded at Ethan.  <

“Mom? I think I’m in Boundary woods?” he tried the words on his lips, looking for confirmation from Felix. 

“Tell her the ranger is here looking after you.” Felix instructed calmly and with no malice, but Ethan was still afraid that this would turn bad. 

“The ranger is here looking after me. “ Ethan’s voice grew shaky. The air felt tense. 

“And he wants to talk to her.” Felix encouraged calmly. 

“And he wants to talk to you.” Ethan reluctantly gave the old looking phone back to Felix, who softly took his from his hands. 

“You get dressed, and I’ll explain the story to her.” Felix gave an encouraging smile, but Ethan stood still. _What if he threatens her when I leave? What if he tells her a ransom when I go?_ He spiralled in the spot.  
“The bathroom’s just in there, “he pointed to a door straight ahead. “you’ll be okay, I promise nothing will happen.” 

>Ethan begrudgingly left the bed and walked to the bathroom, whilst Felix had his back to him. He kept his ear out, listening to Felix introduce himself as the forest ranger. Ethan noted his politeness and calm voice, trying to dissolve the tension. Ethan quickly got dressed and was out the door. 

“Yes, Mrs Nestor? Great thank you. It was a misunderstanding. I’m willing to help pay out the troubles for any police or hospital expenses due this horrible accident. I’m not sure how he wandered so close to Boundary Wood, but we picked him up, got him some clean clothes, and he’ll be waiting here with us. Yes, I’ll send you the address. Okay, I shall see you soon, please calls with any worries or concerns.” 

Ethan couldn’t remember how he got to where he was, just swift and fuzzy memories. His brain couldn’t make them out into clear images. So, he believed that he must’ve have somehow wandered around in the woods in a fevered daze. But then Felix turned to him, his polite smile now fading to a solemn line. 

He sighs loudly and the air became thick again, but now it looked like Felix was uncomfortable. “I wish I didn’t have to you this, but I need you to know. You don’t have to believe me now, but I just need you to listen okay?” 

Ethan nodded stiffly. His muscles clenched and his saw his fisted hands growing white. 

“My friend, Matthew, he has this disease, and it’s contagious through fluid. It’s surprisingly not a common disease, but it is painful.” Ethan noticed the man grow more jittery, his legs bumping up and down constantly. “We call it ‘Shiver disease’ due to it only becoming active during the colder months. It’s practically non-existent in summer and spring, the cold is just the optimal environment. Ethan,” 

He looked up and felt the cold rattle through his bone, why does Matthew sound familiar? But also, how did the man know his name? It made sense that his mother would have told him, but hearing his name come out of a stranger felt like an invasion of his privacy. 

“It-it essentially turns you into a wolf. Not a werewolf, but an actual wolf. You forget--… everything. “ Felix looks pained, and he can’t keep looking the boy in the eye. The room’s light makes everything yellow, and once thought as a warm yellow, it now looks mildew-ey and crusty. The chair that Felix occupies creaks under his nervous shuffles. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, but it comes out wavering just slightly, and he hopes that Ethan didn’t pick up on it. “You’ve been infected with this disease, Ethan.” 

It wasn’t shock that hit Ethan, in fact something burned inside him. However, he couldn’t place his thoughts on what the emotion was. 

“How?” he demanded, his fists a milk white, but he knew. It was the dog, the familiarity of Matt into Matthew. He knew, but he just wished this was all a hoax. That his normality wasn’t taken away. He just wanted everything to stay the same. After his dad leaving him, and his mother barely holding her broken pieces together, everything was just starting to settle, but everything was now crumbling into ashes. He never felt so alone. 

He couldn’t hear Felix explaining, his heart beat pounded in his ears. Ethan clutched at his breath, finding it harder to fully breathe. Everything is panic, and nothing would be the same, he knew he needed to slow down and regain his steady breathing pattern, but he almost wanted to focus on the pain, but it felt less than his heart practically breaking under the pressure of losing normality. 

Felix turned to him, and hesitantly laid his gloved hand on the boy’s shoulder. He didn’t know this boy, but he could practically hear his world shattering. Even when the boy, Ethan, regained control and just sat on the bed, his eyes closed and slowly whispered air through his mouth, Felix couldn’t bear to tell him about how these cold months weren’t his anymore. He knew he should warn the poor boy that, because of the cold he would shift, unstably and then until the warmth appeared again, but that hitch of the boy’s breath, the holding back of sob, he stopped. 

When the boy’s mother’s car appeared in the driveway, the boy slowly straightened and began to leave the bed. Felix panicked, leaving an unstable new wolf with his mother seemed like a bad equation, so he quickly wrote his number on a scrap of paper. 

“Just in case you need me to explain anymore, or,” Felix tried to come across as casual and comforting, but not standing over the boy and shoving his hands in his warm pockets. “need me for _anything_.” 

Ethan loosely grabbed the scrap and placed it in the borrowed jeans. There was a frantic knock on the door. His mother fell inside the warm house, the cold air bringing a nausea to his stomach. She ran to him and tightly gripped his body, smothering him, he returned her tight grip with a squeeze of his own. His eyes flickered upwards to Felix, who was smiling but his eyes not entirely focusing on Ethan. The nausea turned started forming into a dagger. The worst was about to come. 

~~~  
Another two weeks went by, the air grew more bitter and sharper. Felix waited by his phone for a call. He couldn’t leave the house anymore, and his layers grew more and more. His body kept having these muscular pains, and nausea twists, that allowed Felix not able to move more than a few steps at a time. He had to wait for the boy, something was going to happen, he kept bashing himself for not just telling him to stay there. He could still see Ethan’s slumped figure, and his glassy eyes, and even now it made him feel broken himself. 

__

__

No-one else was in the house, PJ and Tyler had been gone even before Ethan had entered the pack household. The only person here was Steph who was waiting anxiously for Matthew to stop shifting and regulate himself to solely being human. _She shouldn’t’ve taken him to the beach, it was stupid, especially in his wavering condition and this weather._ They’d fought about it heatedly when Ethan had left, but it hadn’t ended good and now both Felix and Steph couldn’t look at each other. No doubt that as soon as Matthew was certainly human, they’ll both leave the house and never look back. Felix had seen many people leave with their partners, and never touch this place ever again. 

The back pocket of his jeans buzzed, and has he took out the phone he saw a ‘No Caller ID’, his stomach swelled, as he gently put the phone to his ear. 

“Ethan?” he said. 

“Yeah, I-I need you.” His voice wavered on the other line, and he snuffled loudly. “S-something’s hap-happened.” 

“I’m coming.” 


	2. 2 MONTHS TO WINTER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six years later, Felix is dealing with his anxieties and depressive nature. His family is worried about him. 
> 
> Basically: Felix "I'm fine" Kjellberg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was late (ish) this chapter just kept on going. I had other ideas on what I wanted this chapter to be, but I really enjoyed how it turned out.  
> Thanks so much for the Kudos and comments friends! I appreciate it so much (Holla-ing @ you Markiplierfan123 ;) )

_“The line is long but keep me in the open”_ ~ Gang of Youths

_The car is quiet, the outside is passing them. Felix is concentrating on the road ahead, his body is twitching, causing the car to swerve slightly every so often. Ethan is staring out the window frozen, but having the same twitching motion. His hands have bright red blood attached on them like gloves. Tears are streaming down his face, and his sniffles interrupt the silence in the air._

_The reach the house, but they don’t even make a step out of the car before succumbing to a numbing silence, where human thoughts aren’t needed anymore._

 

**6 years later**

The house in Boundary Wood is encapsulated in multiple colours of red, orange and brown. The air is not warm, but not frosty either, a gentle cool. Felix is inside on his laptop, a face popped up on the screen, a female. His face is beaming with light, the house can practically feel the warm radiating off it. They both talk with love in their eyes and joy in their words. Felix wraps himself in his long sleeves and scarf hanging off his neck, despite the small drops of sweat on his forehead. 

“Okay Felix, I really do have to go to bed.” A sweet voice serenades through the laptop’s speaker. “Good night, I love you.” 

“Love you too.” He smiles, still appearing even as the call ends and the laptop’s screen goes black. He stands up slowly due to his limbs protesting from being still too long. He reached his long arms out beside him and then up and away from himself. His eyes turning to the window above the kitchen sink. The woods looking still and almost abandoned, but Felix knew that out there was others apart of his family. Ethan was still out there. 

Signe was the first to turn back and immediately flung herself into work at the small supermarket an hour away from their large house. Felix was actually glad to finally have someone back in the house, it grew too quiet in the winter nowadays. He was still growing accustomed to not losing his humanity to the cold air, it had been a long year to finally realise that when he woke up covered in leaves that were only just holding a slight yellow tinge was the last time. There was joy in the house, but even then, hiding behind the joy was envy. Of course, no-one wished ill will, it was just the anxiety of being a wolf forever. To never experience the joys of human emotion or having coherent thoughts again. 

His eyes caught movement of a steel grey colour dashing closely through the trees. His heart swelled hoping that a familiar face of the young boy would appear seconds later, but only the flash of fur was what Felix got. His heart swelled with anguish knowing that Ethan wouldn’t be coming back, his years cut so short for a cruel twist of fate. 

Tyler had come back in early spring, anxious to leap into learning about how to better be a better physio. Pj had followed him not long after, his mind buzzing into artistic way to portray his mind. But there was no Ethan, they had all kept busy in the summer, but kept their eyes on the forest to see whether the youngest boy would stumble through the dense woods. But now autumn had finally settled in, and everyone, except Signe, remained in a solemn silent. Signe was full of rage at first, she grew angry at the world, marching off into the forest to find Ethan and drag the wolf into the house. Felix had sighed loudly when she was in the doorway, her face red and outside was dark. This happened for a week, then he stopped seeing her as frequently. The house growing quiet once again, Ethan’s room growing dust. 

Felix heaved a heavy sigh from his chest, his hands gripping the sink tightly. He wished that he could just see Ethan one more time, to apologise and somehow, in some way fix this whole problem. He felt his jaw proclaim loudly from the pressure, and he let go from clutching the sink, and breathed slowly. There was nothing now. Autumn was in full swing, Pj had started to layer up, due to his lateness of arrival this year. Tyler and Signe still had a way off. But even now, unless they all found someone who loved them and proved it, their humanity was numbered. 

The front door slamming broke his dark mood, and he turned towards the sound. Signe slid down the door into her knees. Her face was bright red, from what he could see that wasn’t hidden in her hands. 

“What’s wrong?” Felix said with his eyebrow raised in curiosity. Signe looked up, with wide eyes, just realising that someone else was here. Her face was still a bright pink, and she couldn’t directly look Felix in the eyes. 

“Its just…” Her face grows more flushed, and he mouth twirls into a smile, he could see her trying to fight it, but in some way, he knew what she was trying to convey. 

“You met someone?” He finished for her, and she nodded almost in embarrassment. 

“He’s been a bit regular in the last couple of weeks. He never came to me but today – Felix.” Her face is a star, burning boldly. “He spoke to me, and complemented me. And gave me this!”  
Her hands gripped a small scrap of newspaper with numbers messily scrawled across. His chest burst with warmth, as he smiled down at the girl who he had only heard sigh in the household. The only girl here who made sure all the boys were in line and were exhibiting proper manners. The only girl who had even helped Felix catch eyes with the love of his life, Marzia. 

“Whats he like?” Felix said intrigued, as he helped her to her feet. She went into full explanation of his coffee bean coloured hair and smell, with a mixed scent of pine. The articulation of his accent, and the way he purred her name. Felix heard her heart swelling, and he was happy for her, but he also didn’t want to be hurt. He didn’t want to ruin her happiness, and tell her not to get her hopes up, in case he wasn’t the one. Beside he was sure she already knew.  
“I’m happy for you Signe.” He smiled warmly, placing a large hand on her shoulder. She smiles widely up at him. “I’m sure Eth, would be too.” 

Her face lowers in brightness and her clutched shoulders loosen. Her face turns to look outside the window. The sunlight lowering in the horizon. Felix joined her in the forlorn longing. Felix kept struggling to know what to say, words almost forming on his lips, but he couldn’t seem to say anything to make her feel better. He tightly wrapped his hand around and gave her a side hug. The sunlight faded away, leaving an emptiness in the sky. 

~~~  
Felix was outside, he felt calm out here. He was in the picnic area of the national park. Everybody seemed happy and joyful, all the families enjoying the nature surrounding them. It made him anxious to return home to his. A family of boys passed him and gave him a warm greeting as they all started to go on a nature track. All the boys seemed quite older, except for one smaller boy, and immediately Felix’s chest began to tighten. He immediately had to turn around and focus his attention on the trees ahead. His eyes felt watery, but he refused to break while at work. 

He felt haunted by mistakes made, mistakes that weren’t even his. He could recall Matt’s voice as they fought. It was ugly. There were tears both creeping out the corner of Matt’s eyes, while Felix’s voice sounded shattered. Fragile but could accidentally cut you with its shards. When they left, Felix had fallen to his knees and cried out loudly. The wolves outside matched his agony, their howls echoing through his chest, as if they were trying to seep into his soul.  
It was that year when Ethan had shifted back for the first time, his body different. Like he had been scrubbed away of his old self. When the boy had stared into Felix’s eyes, after climbing through the foliage, it was like he knew that his time was short. And he accepted it. That had broken Felix. 

Felix shifted out his daze, when he turned someone was standing next to him. Their mouth was moving, he had totally blanked out. 

“I’m sorry,” Felix interrupted softly. “could you please repeat that? I was a bit zoned out It’s been bit crazy here.” 

“No worries.” The voice sounded polite and of similar accent to Felix’s own. “I was wondering where the camping grounds were?” 

The man had a dusty orange hair and quirky look in his eyes, as if the light inside was bouncing up and down. He had a great smile, bright and wide. There was also a man beside him who had a big brown mop swished to one side on his head. He had these bright blue eyes behind the small glasses he wore. 

“Sure, “he helped the man by pointing to a red squiggly line on his flimsy map. “so just follow this track, which just starts over there.”  
The man looked up and smiled. He started to walk the way Felix pointed with the other man trailing behind.  
“Be careful at night, the temperatures are starting to get lower!” Felix shouted at the pair as he watched them walk away. They both turned and nodded, their large backpacks swaying heavily as they turned away. 

~~~  
Felix was at the kitchen bench, his attention wavering through cutting mushrooms and the windy world outside. He reluctantly turned his head away from the window, and started cutting the mushrooms slowly and intricately as to distract himself. 

“You can’t keep doing this Felix.” He mumbles to himself. 

“Can keep doing what? Chopping mushrooms like a MasterChef contestant?” A light voice echoes behind him. PJ lurks in the doorway, a bright blue jumper covering him. His crystal green eyes shimmering in the kitchen light. Felix turns back to the mushrooms. 

“I was thinking that, I can’t keep letting you get away with those _masterful_ insults.” He laughs dryly at PJ. The mop on PJ’s head was growing denser, like a curly forest on the top of his head. He seemed to only get it cut when he deemed necessary, it was a bonsai tree to him. 

“Mark called, he said he was coming down soon.” PJ announced, the room growing warmer at a prospect of a fellow friend.  
_Actually, it would be nice to have someone else around as it gets colder._ Felix thought to himself.

“Well, that’s good.” Felix focusing intently on the knife slicing through the mushroom in one swift motion. “I didn’t even hear the phone ring?” 

“I’m actually surprised you heard me talking to you. You seem very … out of it.” Pj said, not asking if he was okay, Felix picked up on it. He wasn’t offended, he knew that PJ was worried about other things, hence why the man had two pairs of socks on, and a beanie. His clocking was ticking. 

“The parks been busy, I think I’ve been focusing on too many things.” Felix lied. Everyone knew how much the summer grown heavy, especially with him not being able to leave bed for days on end. How it was Mark that had to come down and reason with him. How the howls of sobs would echo the halls at night. How Signe, Pj and even Tyler all had shifts waiting outside his door, just to make sure he was okay or needed anything. A bond had been broken. The strings inside the house had been snapped, and slowly they were being repaired, but one couldn’t be replaced. The harmonies disjointed.  
The kitchen had stayed silent. Felix grabbed a handful of his mushrooms and placed them in a pan. The sizzling both awoke them. 

“What’s for dinner?” Pj’s voice broke through.

“Pasta.” Felix replied not facing him. Ethan had never liked pasta. 

~~~~  
_“Whats for dinner?” Ethan said leaning on the door frame._

_“Pasta.” Felix replied snapping the tongs at him. “Wanna taste test?”_

_“Nah.” Ethan shook his head, and went searching through the fridge. “I don’t really like pasta, sorry. I do like pizza and sushi!”_

_“Are you sure? My pasta is world famous.” Felix lifted an eyebrow at the boy._

_“I don’t doubt it, it’s just-“ he opened the freezer and rummaged around the cold boxes, his face turning to a frown “Nevermind.”. His hands then clutched a box and he smiled in small victory. Felix saw a box of frozen waffles._

_“You’re not gonna have waffles for dinner, are you?” Felix whined childishly, pretending to be offended by Ethan’s distaste for pasta. He saw Ethan’s pain when asking why, so he didn’t question it._

_“Why not?” He smirked. “Brinner is the best.”_

_“Not in my house!” Felix playfully swiped the box from the boy’s hands and held it above the boy’s reach. Ethan tried to jump and grab it, but Felix swiftly moved it to another hand behind his back._

_“Hey Felix?” Ethan said seriously. Felix stopped and turned to him, thinking he went too far. “Your pasta is burning.”_

_Felix screeched, and Ethan took the opportunity, as Felix was reaching for the stove, to snatch the box._

_“I win.” He held the box victoriously above his head._

_That night when everyone was in bed, Felix was at the dining table working on taxes and bank accounts. Ethan was sitting across from him, homework from a home-schooling service. He then broke the silence._

_“My dad used to make pasta. It was really good.” He sighed, his words quiet, and barely being pushed out. “I haven’t had it since… since…”_

_Felix saw the hurt in his eyes. Ethan couldn’t even look up to the older man. He felt tiny in his chair and he hated it. The silence ate at him, why did it control him so much?_

_“I won’t make it again.” Felix smiled softly at Ethan. He knew that Ethan suffered silently, but he never wanted to admit it. It was big enough that he was trying to open up. “ I got your back buddy.”_

_“Thanks Felix.” Ethan held a small smile looking up at Felix. He returned to his work, and Felix did his. The room felt warm._

~~~  
“Honestly, I’m actually going okay. I’m fine.” Felix pushed for a fake laugh into the receiver. 

“Signe said you made pasta, and now I’m even more concerned.” Mark sighed on the other side. “Maybe you should see someone?”

“And tell them what?” Felix’s voice still light. “A boy I have no family relationship with turned into a wolf and will never be human again?” His shoulders sagging at the thought of his words. 

“Maybe in not so many details. You lost a really good friend Felix, practically a brother. I would be more concerned if you weren’t mourning.” Mark’s voice sounder soft, and his deep voice felt calming over the receiver. It felt a little less heavy knowing someone else went through the trials that he did. 

“I just… I do appreciate you coming down. I’m just sorry you have to drag Amy down with you.” He chuckled sincerely. “Marzia should be here soon, it’s just until then. The house is too quiet.” 

“I’ve been there.” Mark agreed.  
Felix reminisced about how he was first to meet Amy, who was visiting on vacation. It was an odd place to visit Boundary Wood, but she was here nonetheless, and perfect timing it was. He remembered Mark gushing loudly about the girl he saw. It was two months later that it was late Autumn, and Felix was layering up, so he and Mark could shift together as they always did. But he woke up in the warm spring foliage. When he opened the door the house, Mark practically fell on him. He gushed about, screaming he didn’t shift all winter. It was uncanny. From then on, winters seemed a little more bitter, until Ethan and then Marzia came along. 

“It’s okay,” Mark continued, Felix just realising how he zoned out. 

“Hmm, sorry can you repeat that?” 

“Mmm, you zoned out!” Mark sighed. “I was _saying_ Amy’s fine coming down, she loves seeing Signe and the boys. We should be coming around Tuesday. Will you be okay until then?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” Felix forced a small smile on his face, knowing that Mark couldn’t see it, but he couldn’t muster much else. His energy seemed to wane a bit quicker these days. 

“Call me if you need me, please.” Mark pleaded. 

“I will.” Felix let out a soft chuff. “I promise. Cya.” 

“See you soon! Bye.” 

The house was quiet again. Only the wind outside wailed, rattling against the windows, Felix’s chest feeling the same. He had to move on. Ethan was gone, and he was never coming back, no matter how much he wanted it. He sucked in a deep breath and sighed loudly before walking to the dining table, scrambling around on his laptop for something to distract him. 

~~~~  
The supermarket had been silent. Signe sighed loudly as she stood in her sectioned off box. It was the quiet time, where it wasn’t almost schooling ending time or the elderly type of time. It was the lull, and Signe hated it. It made her think. The all familiar hollowness ached again, as though her body was suddenly aware. Her hands clutched the counter and she sucked in a deep breath. Her thoughts immediately went to Ethan. 

_“Ethan!” Signe shouted._

_A snicker sounded behind her and she chased him around the house. Their laughter had echoed and filled the house. The whipped cream had mostly slipped off her face albeit some that had been smooshed onto her skin._  
_Ethan’s hands had some the remnants as well. He always stayed a couple of inches ahead of her. He quickly stepped down the stairs and out the door. The summer heat seeping into their skins. He headed for the woods, his bare feet not caring about the uncomfortable surface. He quickly looked behind himself, but found no-one. He abruptly stopped. The woods were large, and he knew that Signe was trying to take another secret route to try and trap him._

_“You can’t trick me!” He teased, constantly turning around in a circle. A grin plastered on his face. “I know these woods too!”_

_Signe had been trying to hide in the underbrush, crouching quietly. Her ankles had started to protest, but she stayed on strong. When Ethan had his back turned towards her, she smiled deviously and lunged onto his back. He yelped in shock, abruptly falling onto the leafy floor. They laughed loudly, but Signe grabbed Ethan’s hand with shaving cream bits and slapped himself._

_“Smack cam me again and I’ll kill you.” She threatened lightly, a slightly giggle in her mock anger._

_“You love me. I’m your favourite brother!” He grabbed her into a hug._

She missed him, and it hurt her so much. She couldn’t even remember what his laughs sounded like. She almost wanted to just become a wolf forever, so she could be with him and the other parts of her family, the ones she missed. 

Being a wolf was freeing. It took herself away from her past. Whilst she didn’t fully remember her experience as a wolf, the feelings lingered in her veins. Her hands ghosted feelings of her paws briskly trotting over the moist snow. Whilst she enjoyed the ability to become something else, and just run as fast as she could, Signe knew the real reason why. It was that it made her forget the thoughts that niggle into her mind. Anxiety disorders don’t affect wolves. 

A loud bump on the conveyer interrupted her and she was grateful. She looked up and smiled generically for the customer. When her eyes caught the blue of the other, the smile turned wider. 

“Fancy seeing you here.” He laughed. 

“Such a coincidence!” She feigned shock with a lifted eyebrow. Her chest swelled with joy. Her eyes looking down and immediately scanning the milk carton and assortment of crackers. 

“I haven’t heard from you.” The man smiled with a cheeky grin. “Did I scare you with my charming looks.” 

Signe barked a cold laugh. “ Is that what you think?”

The man was slightly taken back by her sneaky taunt, but immediately laughed. He liked this girl, and her humour. He admitted that he frequented this store a lot more than he needed too, just to glimpse at the girl. When he had gathered up the courage just to even say hi, it was an instant connection. He immediately gave her his number, just so he could know that she had a way to communicate with him. 

“Hey so do you know of any cool spots around here?” He kept the conversation going, even though a lady around her forties was beginning to dump her stuff on the conveyer belt. “My friend Robin and I are camping in the national park.” 

“Oh really?” Signe got caught in the boy’s stare. His eyes gleaming a cerulean blue, and she swear she could feel her breath hitch as though she were swimming in them. The middle-aged woman coughed loudly behind them, and Signe immediately shook her head. “There’s a nice café around the corner, that makes the best coffee. It’s absolutely delicious.” 

“Coffee sounds good! I might have to go there, and get my daily fix, now that I’m partially living in a cramped tent.” He smiled rubbing the back of his neck, gathering his items, and handing her some scrunched notes. She returned his smile happily. “Don’t forget to call.” 

He started to walk away, and Signe immediately had to turn away. She could feel heat practically radiating off her cheeks in waves. The older woman in the line seemed to be angry that a couple of kids were just enjoying each other’s company. 

“By the way,” His voice echoed loudly in her ears. She immediately turned to the alluring source of his sounds. “My name’s Sean. I don’t think I wrote that.” 

Then he was gone. Her head buzzed. _Sean_

~~~  
“Felix, are you sure that you’re going okay?” Marzia’s sweet voice echoed though the phone. Just hearing her voice brought such a warmth to him. His dulled wolfy instincts purred happily underneath his human sheath. Whilst the wolf that used to rumble and groan in his body, had now dulled to a secondary state that he was beginning to forget. Not that he could ever forget being a wolf, but now he was forgetting that his sense of smell had incredibly diminished from it once was. He was secretly glad for the blessing, he didn’t feel so overwhelmed by knowing how everything smelled to a fine detail. 

“Huh? Yeah, why?” But he knew Mark would have been texting her, asking to check up on him. 

“Felix.” Her voice stern. Hard and but still achieving the tone that meant she was listening. That she wanted to help. 

“I’m just still recovering, that’s all. It’s been a slow process.” His voice becoming wavered. Felix knew he could talk to Marzia, and that she would do everything to help. It was a reason he loved her, because she was genuine and loving. “I keep thinking that he’s gonna walk through the door any second, but.” 

The other line stayed silent, but he could still hear her light breathing. Whilst smell had dulled, his hearing was still sharp. He stayed quiet, hoping that he could transfer all his thoughts. He clutched the phone tighter. 

“It’s just hard.” 

“I know Felix, it is. I wish it wasn’t and that I could take your pain away.” Her voice sounded hurt, matching the cracked fragility of Felix’s. It hurt him to know that he caused her to feel broken by his shattered mourning. She would never steal the attention back onto herself, but it still hurt him knowing that she was upset. 

“I miss you, _so_ much.” 

“I do too. I’m coming, I promise. Only another couple of weeks.” 

The silence crept in again. It was more comfortable than before, but the aching loneliness still gnawed at Felix’s insides. He felt so hollow, as if he’s float away in the raging winds outside. Floating up to the atmosphere and slowly suffocating felt so much nicer than choking unbearableness that was now. At least he could then enjoy the view. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too Felix.” 

It was quiet, but now it was strangling him. The sounds of the past digging its deep claws into his breath. It hitched up, and he sobbed. He’d never felt so much and nothing at the same time. 

~~~  <  
The room was filled with warm wooden browns. It was comforting and distracting at the same time. Mark twiddled his thumbs on the bright red couch beside Felix.  
Felix’s were shoulders scrunched and tightened. His hands meshed together, his fingers feeling so bony. The man in front of him was asking all sorts of questions. He knew that it was supposed to be a safe area, but the questions felt like bullets. They were hitting him, and they weren’t as if they deep thought provoking questions either. It was why he was here and what he was hoping to achieve. Okay, maybe the ‘why he was here’ was hard, but he was here per Marks request. 

Mark and Amy had come down to the house and it was suddenly as if the house was more occupied. It made Felix feel sick, and possibly a bit resentful. Where had everyone been? Even Tyler who was never at the house, winter or summer, had made an appearance. The bright happiness of everyone greeting each other had made him exhausted. He was trying, it was just overwhelming at this point. Mark had found him lying on his bed in the dark. The next day was here. 

Mark gave him a nudge. He snapped to the present. His mouth refused to open, and his thoughts amalgamated into an incomprehensible mush. He sighed and just stared into his now loosened hands. He knew he needed help, and he wanted it, but why was it so hard to just open up about it? Felix looked over to Mark as if it to say, ‘can you help me out here a bit’. 

“Recently,” Mark started. “there’s been a – passing, of a really close friend. A family member really. And it’s just been hard for Felix to get back in the swing of things. I’m just concerned … “ 

Felix drowned out Mark’s words. His chest felt heavy, the weight of his bottled-up words dragged him under again. The overwhelming drowning sensation had him sit upright and clutch the arm rest on the couch, he had to keeping on breathing. Slow and concentrated breaths reached out of his lungs. The room suddenly felt icy, as if the cold had become an enemy again. Its claws burning his body away, turning him away from his friends and family, taking him away from everything he loved. 

“Felix?” The man with a notepad, and a small smile, not in a mocking nature, but as an anchor.  
“I’m fine.” He exhaled slowly and smoother than before. His body regain its natural rhythm. His fingers slowly prying themselves of the arm rest and his back falling on to the cushion of the lounge. 

<“If you’re okay with it? Would it be possible to talk to you alone?” the man continued to smile. “There’s nothing wrong, I’d just like for you to answer some questions more about you? If you’re uncomfortable we can bring Mark back in at any time.” 

“Um,” Felix said unsure. It did sound like something was wrong. “okay.” 

The room felt a lot more awkward than before, but Felix tried to be as open as he could. He did want to get better. The man still had this image of safety and warmth, but Felix just had this pressure in his shoulders telling him not to get closer. His feet stuck firmly to the ground. 

“Felix, I saw that you aren’t very grounded. As in you seemed not very invested in the conversation that Mark and I were having. Would I be correct in assuming that?” The man’s smile still ever present. Felix nodded. “I’d like to invite you to just let your eyes wander around the room. Feel free to get up and touch anything if you would like.” 

Felix’s eyes wandered around the small rectangular room. There were shelves of books and folders, some shelves having a tiny trinket or a potted plant. The man had a small desk overlooking a small window, the chair positioned so that if someone were sitting there, they could look out. The warm tones of the wood grew lighter in the sun’s rays from a second window with the blinds drawn up. 

Beside the lounge, Felix was sitting on was a box full of toys. Ones that were fiddly, immediately Felix’s eyes attached onto the rubix cube. He stared just intently confirming that it indeed was that type of cube. Slowly, his hand tentatively stroked one of the plastic sides on the cube, and then proceeded to gently clutch it . He slowly removed the rubix cube from the box, and held it in his hands. It was all messed up but he didn’t care. It made him feel… a little more relaxed seeing it. 

“How do you feel now?” The man asked, his dark hair constructed to swoop away from his forehead. His glasses never slipping down his face. 

“I feel a little better, not heaps, but just… here?” Felix tried to convey. He felt like he was here in this room, not just floating around and seeing this room. 

“I see you picked up the Rubix cube. Is there a significance?” 

“It reminds me… of my friend.” He deftly pushed out. “A good memory.” 

“That’s good, I want you to hold on to that feeling. When it gets a bit too overwhelming for you, I want you to come back to that memory that the rubix cube gave you.” Felix nodded and clutched it all the tighter. “What we did before, with wandering around the room, is a grounding technique. It allows your body to relax, and be present within the room. Whilst we haven’t gone into depth with it, I think we had a good start. Now unfortunately that is the end of the session. I do advise that we continue exploring this. Would you agree?” 

“Yeah. I think so too.” Felix agreed, still holding the rubix cube in his hands. 

_~~~_

Felix and Mark drove home quietly in the car, however the silence seemed less weighted and more comfortable. The radio spoke and sang on their long trek to large house in the woods. Felix was in the passenger seat looking out the window, his body relaxing and sinking more into the seat as the mountains enveloped them. A contented sigh whistled out his nostrils. 

“I know you didn’t want to do this Felix,” Mark sounded softly, his face not turning to Felix but concentrating on the long stretch of road. “but, I’m really glad you did… I just wasn’t sure what to do anymore.” 

Hearing the small broken crack at the end of Mark’s speech made Felix realise that his actions did have consequences. Not that he could always control how he felt, he understood that maybe his health was affecting Mark too. 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled out, soft and nearly silent. He didn’t mean for it sound like a wounded puppy and make him feel bad. His body still seemed to have the habit of betraying him when it counted the most. 

“I know.” Mark reassured him. He turned his head from the road just slightly, and looked at Felix. “It will get better. Ethan would’ve really wanted that for you.” 

“Mm.” Felix agreed turning away from the window, and looked at the road from the front window. “I just wish I didn’t feel this way.” 

Mark gently patted his shoulder, and it felt like such a paternal touch. Like a father looking out for his son. Whilst Felix never saw Mark as anyone but a friend and a brother, he appreciated the caring warmth radiating through his shoulders. 

The both rested into an easy quiet for the ride home. The trees were turning brown and orange. The wind whistled uneasily past the car. As if a wild beast was beginning to stir from its long slumber. 

_~~~_

Sean and his friend Robin huddled greedily around the fire. Their laughter vibrated through their chattering teeth. Their bodies were consumed in their sleeping bags. 

“That ranger wasn't joking around when he said the evenings were freezing!” Robin struggled out through shivering body. 

“I really thought it wouldn’t be this cold in autumn, but there you go. I guess, it is closer to winter than it is summer.” Sean chuckled at his demise and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. 

They were still huddled around the fire when there was a rustling around them in the bushes. However, instead of shivering in fear, both Robin and Sean had looks of determination on their faces. Slowly, Sean reached down behind the log he was sitting on, and handled a rifle. The rustling grew more frantic and closer towards them. Sean quickly looked at Robin and tilted his head towards it. Robin nodded and quickly stepped towards the bushes located behind their small tent. 

“I gotch ya now yer little bastard.” Sean’s mouth spat in vulgar. He followed Robin with the gun. Whilst he couldn’t see the clearest, he knew he was able to at least get one shot. Hopefully, a killing shot. The bushes cleared away, and a wolf trotted out. Catching scent of the people its pose turned stiff and almost angry instantly. Whilst it was a few metres away, Sean quickly aimed his gun and blasted a shot at the wolf. 

The wolf whined and fell back slightly. However, when it saw that people were approaching it, it quickly ran away from attacking humanoids. 

“Damn it!” Sean cursed, his fingers gripping the gun. Robin was next to him was a torch. He was deeply inspecting the ground. 

“No,” He said observantly.” There’s blood here. I’m not sure where it struck him, but it must have been somewhere with a lot of blood flow. We could possibly see if we can follow its trail, then we can find the whole pack.” 

“I like your thinking. This might work if we can find him.” Sean said hopeful. He immediately turned back to camp and struck out the fire, he grabbed his extra ammunition and Robin’s hunter’s rifle. They both set out through the dark and dense foliage following their prey. 

<~~~  
The dinner table had never felt so full. Even though only containing six people, if felt so occupied. Felix stole glances at the empty chairs at the table, whilst it still hurt, he remembered his experience at therapy today. He clutched at the happy thought the rubix cube brought. 

__Ethan sighed in frustration, storming out of his bedroom. Felix looked up from his work on the table. It was his day off, and hearing Ethan have such an anguished cry made him worried. Is this what it was always like when he away?  
He heard the boy rumbling around in the kitchen. _ _

__“Hey Ethan,” he called “you alright?”_ _

__“Yeah! I’m fine.” The boy replied with a tone that absolutely said he wasn’t._ _

__Felix pushed himself away from the table, his chair making a squeaking cry. He walked into the kitchen and found the boy angrily drinking coffee and staring out of the window. He laughed slightly to himself, seeing a boy so much younger than him drinking coffee._ _

__“It’s that bad, is it?” Felix leant on the door frame._ _

__“Online school just sucks, I hate it.” Ethan replies, taking an aggressive sip from his blue mug. “The teachers just go too fast and I can barely concentrate. The work load is just way too much, I can barely understand it all. I don’t even have the motivation to actually watch the videos.”_ _

__Felix remembered back to his days of school and online school. He found it always hard to concentrate and remember what teachers were saying. He felt like he was constantly distracted until one of his teachers found a method of helping him to actually listen to her._ _

__He stated that he had an idea, and would be back shortly. When rummaging through an old box in his room he found it. Complete from the previous time of use. He clutched it in his hand like an old friend. When quickly stepped down the stairs into the kitchen where Ethan had finished up his coffee. He dramatically presented a used Rubix cube in both of his hands._ _

__Ethan hesitantly took it. He went back to his school instructional videos and tried to solve the rubix cube whilst listening. As per Felix’s request. When he went out, he found that whilst he hadn’t remembered everything, he was able to actually sit more still and watch the whole video._ _

Felix’s thoughts were immediately brought to the present when a clear gunshot was heard nearby. 

“What the hell was that?” Pj piped up. 

“I think it was a gun.” Tyler said in a thoughtful way. 

“That’s not allowed. I need to go check on the campers.” Felix immediately got up and grabbed his keys. 

“Wait Felix!” Mark called out loudly. “I’ll come too!” 

He stared panicky at Felix. Their worries similar and fearful. They were both thinking the same thing. The immediately got in the car and raced to the campsite part of Boundary Wood. 

_~~~_  
The wolf lay on its side wheezing loudly. Its fur was red and matted on its back leg. The wolf’s body was contorting and shivering. Its paws scraping in the dirt, the nails dragging across. The canine blinked and suddenly vision was clearer. A cry of deep pain sizzled in its throat and into the night.  
The wolf was human. A boy. He tried to quieten his pain, remembering that there were people behind him, he wasn’t sure why. Their scent gave off emotional signals of angst and anger. He couldn’t get up, but he knew he was vulnerable, the blood seeped of his thigh onto the ground he was afraid. 

His mind was misty and only small part were coming to him. His name. It came to him first, whilst he knew who he was, he couldn’t believe he had forgotten it. He sounded it on tongue, it came out slightly warbled as he hadn’t actually talked in months. Had it been months? He had hoped it hadn’t been any longer than that. 

The rustling in the woods was coming closer towards him. He tried to move his injured leg but his mouth immediately opened to vocally show how painful it was. He was stuck, and in a more vulnerable position than before. He tried huddling into himself knowing that these people were aiming to kill, he hoped that by some miracle he could be saved just this one time. 

The rustling grew closer. 

Ethan. His name pounded in head. At least in his death, he wouldn’t forget who he was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The psychologist scene, was more based on ideas of my own experience. The grounding technique is a real thing some I do, and it something good to help to get out of dissociating. Felix is meant to show that he's constantly dissociating and is depressed. My own mental illness journey is different to others, so Felix is meant to be showing signs of low mood or depression. ANYWAYS Thats a spiel for y'all. 
> 
> Also, please ignore some cringe writing. I don't really edit these, because otherwise they might not get posted. If something is a bit weird or doesn't make sense, please let me know. I'd really appreciate it. 
> 
> Just letting you know that whilst I am working hard on the new chapter, it might be a bit longer before it comes out. Ahah i've been working heaps, and cinemas don't clean themselves. 
> 
> Stay safe y'all and have a good life. :)


	3. One Month to Winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooowwwwwww this is very late, i'm sorry y'all. Uni and work has been crazy. But Its here and i've made it extra long. So hopefully its able to tide you over until the next chap :E

_“I think that I’m falling so in love with you”_ Rome Hero Foxes 

Felix nearly fell forward but his hand quickly grappled a stray branch. He balanced himself upright. An image struck in his head. It came across as desperate, anxiety seeping further into his veins. In this moment, he wasn’t sure why he was here. The campers seemed a little frightened but otherwise okay, but when he saw an abandoned site, and blood. Whose? He didn’t know, he just ran. Following the trail deep into the woods. 

He had nearly stumbled again when his ears picked up on a crying sigh. It sounded like someone who was trying hold their breath but couldn’t control their sobs. His heart raced, because the sobs sounded so desperately familiar. His body was running before he knew it. The leaves and foliage were wrapping around him, it felt like the forest was trying to hold him back. It was telling him that there was no going back from this. Once it reveals this secret it cannot be undone. Felix knew this, he ignored the ominous intent that lurked into its warning. 

The pale pink-blue flesh made him choke. The blood had lead him to this. He looked at the wound and then towards the body’s face. Felix fell to his knees. He could his hear his heartbeat in his ears. His mouth was dry, and his shoulders were shaking. He wasn’t sure if was because of the cold or seeing the familiar body. 

“E-et-?” He couldn’t finish the name. His voice was cracking under the pressure of his body’s pressure skyrocketing. Ethan just simply turned his head to him, and gave the slightest head nod. Barely noticeable to anyone, but Felix saw it. 

Ethan’s body was hunched over, and the pain was the only thing keeping him conscious. He felt so tired. But Felix was here. His body warming over with safety, knowing that someone was here, and he could remember. Tears burst down his face, from the throbbing in his left thigh and the knowing that he was human. 

~~~ 

The ambulance for Ethan had the typical antibacterial chemical smell. Felix was quickly answering questions for the paramedic. He was so filled with every emotion that he hadn’t even thought of an explanation as to why Ethan was naked and with a bullet wound. They had asked him, and he completely drawn a blank. 

“Mr Kjellberg? Please, can you explain how Mr Nestor got shot in the leg?”

“I’m sorry.” He gulped visibly. “I’m not sure. I found him like this.” 

Which is true. He didn’t state that Ethan had be a whole new species in the process. Also, that the shot had made him turn human. He was piecing together that someone in the campsite had brought a gun. Which was strictly against the rules stated. This meant someone knew the wolves were here and they had a strong agenda against them. Felix’s head swirled with this information. He had managed to get through the hospital and be stuck in the emergency waiting room. The triage nurse consoling him, trying to get him to give her any new information. Felix was so out of it, as if his body had been so shocked that it shut down. 

The waiting room felt so large but still as if the walls were creeping in. Felix felt the ever-present waves of fatigue rush through his body. His eyes were starting to close, this day had been so much. Just starting to accept the fact that Ethan wasn’t coming back, to suddenly having him in his arms. The universe was either being kind or very _very_ cruel. The chair he was sitting on was a deceptive kind. Looking comfy physically, but now that he had sat here for around ten minutes it had begun to dig into his thighs and butt. Sliding further down so that his long legs stretched out he rubbed his callused hand across his face, he could feel the physical aspects of what his stress had caused. He felt like the hospital, always constantly trying to help people, always busy. There was loss, and healing. He just wished it would all stop, but the hospital never sleeps. 

~~~  
Ethan was in a mindless state. He was human, but it was still as if the wolf inside him was close to the surface. It was screaming at him to run, to hide in the safety of the trees. These people were asking him questions he didn’t understand. Where did he live? What was his birthday? His senses were overloaded. He couldn’t even open his mouth, except to shout in pain at the bullet embedded in his thigh. 

He’d blinked. It had gone from night time to day time in one blink. All these nurses had been at him, and now it was just one man. He had smelt familiar. The man looked up, and Ethan knew who he was, it was on the tip of his tongue. 

“Ethan, I’m glad you’re okay.” The voice had nearly brought tears to Ethan, although he wasn’t sure why. His mind was overcast, the wolf was beginning to lay to rest. He turned to the man, cocking his head in a very wolf-like gesture. The man slowly brought his hand closer to Ethan’s face. He backed off in a predatory measure, afraid this meant attack, his mouth twitching to show his teeth, but was gathering his scent additionally. 

The scent was homely. It was familiar pines, but of others. Family. His mind was a window finally letting the sun shine through. The dark clouds blown away. Light blue hues of sky appearing in breaks of the clouds, and then finally measuring the whole sky. It was like a someone snapping their fingers. 

“F-f-f” his mouth wasn’t used to speaking. He hadn’t been human in a while. “F-fel-“ 

The man’s eyes reflected the sunlight coming through hospital room window. The light dripping from his eyes. He waited patiently. 

“Fel-ix, Felix.” Ethan spoke, and turned towards him. The man that was his big brother. He stretched his arms awkwardly around Felix, but he quickly returned the embrace. The warmth made Ethan so firmly believe he was human, and that everything was okay. 

~~~  
Mark had two other guys in the car. Felix had gone in an ambulance. The house’s warm yellow light was coming into view. Both men were quiet, both metaphorically licking their wounds. One was holding their arm close to their chest, and another trying not to touch a big gash on his face. 

Mark led them both inside and sat them at the kitchen table. He knew some first aid, but Amy knew more. So, when he quickly grabbed the first aid box, he told the men he was getting someone a bit more able to tend to their wounds. 

He quickly climbed the stairs two at a time and knocked on Signe’s door, hearing giggling echoing through. When he opened it, he saw the two girls on the floor, nail polish opened and a small radio playing. It screamed 90’s to him, but that seemed like something the girls would do. 

“Hey Ames, would you mind helping me out doing some first aid?” He asked lightly. “I’ve got some guys down here needing attention.” 

“Yeah sure.” Keeping her smile, she got up from the floor. Signe keeping a wide grin. “Is everyone okay?” 

Signe got up from the floor too, and followed them down the hallway to the stairs. 

“Yeah, I think Felix, helped someone to the hospital. No-one else was hurt but these guys.” He explained as he quickly shuffled down the stairs and gestured to the men sitting at the table. 

“Sean?” Signe’s heart fluttered and her eyes opened widely. He sat on the table crumpled over himself and held his arm close to his chest. Although hearing his name, he turned towards her voice. He opened his mouth and then quickly closed it. 

She immediately rushed towards him. As she was growing closer towards him, she hung back slightly. Her mind had finally caught up to her speeding thoughts. ‘Calm down, he’s fine, you’re overreacting’ her mind prowled. 

“Hey sig-knee.” Sean said softly. He looked like a wounded puppy, staring up at her through the brush of his hair, whilst still holding his hand. She managed to stop the knee-jerk reaction of anger when someone pronounced her name wrong. In fact, she just managed to give a light laugh. It didn’t really seem like the right situation to pronounce his failure whilst he was hurt. She’d call him out for it later. 

“What happened?” She asked lightly, sitting on a chair from the dining table, near him. Amy had walked over to the other man, which Signe presumed was Robin. Amy was disinfecting the cut across his cheek and arm. He hunched his shoulders and turned his hands into fists, but of the most part was still. Mark was in the room, waiting for the answer from Sean. 

“Robin and I were just about to put out our camp fire. Then heard this rustling, like something big.” He turned to her looking in her eyes, but placing his jacket between them, he had struggled to take off. “Then we saw this boy, he was young and just was out of the bushes. He was rabid, he ran at us. We turned away and ran into the bushes. I could hear snarling, and it was just so… animalistic. We were terrified.” Signe had noticed his breathing was hitching in his throat, and he was staring at her wide eyed. “He caught up to us, and there was this ledge. Nowhere else to go!”

“The boy got to us, and pinned down Robin. He had him in his grips, and just scraped him. I admit… I had a gun.” He averted his eyes from Signe, looking down at the ground. “ I never wanted to use it! But, this boy, he - he was just so crazy and wouldn’t let Robin go. I blasted one shot to distract him. He let go of Robin, but came for me! That’s how my arm got hurt, he twisted the gun out of my hands. Its somewhere in the woods. So is that lunatic!” 

He was shivering with fear. His chest rising and falling with no break in-between. His hand couldn’t stop shaking, and he quickly shoved his good hand under his armpit to hide it from her. He wanted her to believe him. 

“We need to help the campers, they might be in danger!” He quickly looked at Mark. 

“We’ve got the police and other rangers there looking over the park.” He quickly tried to calm Sean down slightly. “But I’ll make sure they know. “  
He walked out of the room, his phone going up to his ear. 

Signe pressed her palm lightly on Sean’s shoulder. Her eyes gazed into his, and her heart was a supernova, from here, there was no going back. His hand lightly grasped hers, and the warmth from his hand made her feel so securely human. It was something she never had felt before. She remembered Mark talking to her about when he and Amy first kissed. 

“It was if my body was so hot that I was on fire. After that, the wolf managed to stay away” His voice echoed in her head. Maybe that was why the wolf disappeared when they found their other half. Maybe it wasn’t so much true love, but the companionship, the warmth of another allowed you to stay secure. The wolf being an infection, that required love and affection to stay tamed. 

Tyler managed to walk down the stairs, his hair flopping around in all angles. His face seemed etched in an eternal slump. Her heart latched onto him, but it wasn’t enough. He turned to Amy who could magically always be able to talk to him. 

“Hey Ty, are you able to asses these boys?” She beamed. 

“I’m not a paramedic, but I’ll see what I’m able to do.” He looked in her direction, his lip quaking up just slightly. 

Signe kept thinking back, she was younger when it happened. It had been about a year in the male dominated household. She missed her friends and family, and her eyes would always be so reflective and glassy. She wished she could just go back into their warm embrace. 

She had never met Tyler fully, but he always was consisted in giving her a big beaming smile. It so bright, that the wolf inside even seemed to disappear just for a millisecond through it. If that were even possible. It was comforting just to feel normal, even if it was fleeting.

It was nearing into her second year of being situated in the household, everything felt a bit easier. She was relaxing into her new routine. However, one night her eyes cracked open. It was odd, but now she could only think it was just a random action of fate. Her feet plodded the floorboards with light concentration. She thought she might need to use the bathroom, but she all but stopped when she heard the snuffles of tears in the bathroom. 

The shower was off, but hear ears could hear the light drops of the memories of it being on. Someone was taking large shaky breaths. She wanted to knock and ask if everything was okay, but she couldn’t even lift her hand. The door loomed above her, and all she could was stand there. Going into her room felt like ignoring the problem and knocking on the door just felt so abrasive. 

Her feet had grown impatient and her heart sunk defeated in her chest. She had hit a wall, physically and mentally. She had always found it difficult to comfort those in a dire need of soothing. The snuffling came closer and she saw the door starting to shake. A wave of panic allowed Signe to quickly move away from the door and back into safety of her bedroom. Her chest send a wave of disgust inside her, she curled into herself, wishing that she wasn’t so helpless and self-centred. 

The next morning, she saw Tyler had red puffy eyes and a dusty purple lingering under his eyes. Her mouth opened and closed a hundred times, and her hand kept grasping at the empty air. When Tyler had left the kitchen, and walked back to his bedroom, she had visibly seen his shoulders sag. Her eyes matched everyone else, and the mornings had never been so quiet. It was if they were all listening to the silent wails. 

 

~~~  
Mark held the phone in two hands, holding it closer to his ear. He repeated under his breath. The words became concrete in the stiff air. He felt his hand grow weak, as his phone weighed down his hand towards his side. 

He couldn’t believe it. 

The low mutterings slowly weaved from the kitchen into the living room. Marks body was jelly and he slid to the wall. Crumbling to his knees he looked down at his phone, the black screen reflecting his face. His eyes were unsure, but there was something poking through, a small light peeking through. 

~~~  
Ethan felt firm. Something odd to be happy about. The feeling of numbness to pins and needles. His memories floated about in a hapless daze. It had been a full year since he was human. 

Felix was beside him at every waking moment. Ethan didn’t mind, it made him feel like a child again. He’d give anything to go back to that time. Where there was always someone else making decisions for you. 

His first moment alone was in the shower. He was confident this was something he could do on his own. The shower seemed to not have a warm setting, only something that was the memory of warmth. His body violently lurched away from it. His certainty of being human flickered, and anxiety seeped into his veins. Anxiety didn’t exist as a wolf. His whole body was alert and ready. Stiff. Tears lurked out of his eyes. 

Days were numbered. But this time he had to say goodbye, knowing, it was the last time. 

~~~  
Pj felt the words roll and tumble into his page. Something so strong pulled and tugged at him. He was stuck to his notebook and his hand ached in several areas, but he couldn’t stop now. He was inside the library, with tea beside him in a thermos. He had to take a sip every so often when his hand began to uncontrollably shake and mess up his flow. Just to keep the wolf calm for another minute whilst he got his idea out. He was wearing multiple layers, and he could even feel the library’s heater diffusing across to him every minute or so. Still the beast inside him was crawling up from the pit of his stomach and scratched at his chest. 

The creative flow usually appeared during this peak period, the edge before he shifted. He had to get these thoughts out, before… 

His hand began to shake again. Reluctantly he stopped and gave a short breath outwards, he gripped the lukewarm thermos and sipped carefully. He didn’t want to spill tea down his shirt, again. The herbal taste once again pumped through his veins. Looking back to his notebook was a seismic rhythm, his words being neat and cohesive then turning into some form of chicken scratch. His shoulders noticeably dropped, but he didn’t have time to dwell. He needed this idea to be done in full detail. 

The sun hung lazily in the swirling pink and indigo. The tea was gone, as was many of the last of library’s patrons. The pen lay flat in PJ’s hand, he was unable to move it another mere inches, relying on the incompetence of his non dominant hand. He wobbly gathered everything, and placed it into his bag. The frequent wobbling of his hand was indicating that he had left in a more vulnerable state than he planned. Wrapping his long coat around himself, he walked towards the door. He placed his fingerless gloves over his weak hand and then tried to use it to place the other glove on, but then somehow, he was on the floor. 

“Ow” he said rubbing his shin. He looked up to see a metal cart and a female looking a bit shocked and confused. “Oh sorry,” he managed to get up off the floor. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.” 

“Its okay.” She gave a short smile. “Here’s your… glove.” She picked the blue fingerless glove, that had a pattern on pine trees and skulls, off the floor and into his hand. Her light fingertips tracing the inside soles of his hand. Warmth seeping into his hands, as if he were sucking it from hers. He gave a small shudder. 

“Thanks.” He smiled, turning away.

“Nice pattern.” He heard her voice slightly further off. 

“Thanks, its symbolism.” He turned around and gave almost a jazz hands effect, showing off the pattern. Then turned away and headed out the door. The freeze just about turned his skin to fur, but he just made it inside his car, and placed the heat up to full. He was so close.  
As he was driving home, he noticed his wolf wasn’t scratching at his throat anymore. It lay a little more restfully in the pit of his stomach. 

His hands had stopped shaking. 

~~~  
Ethan’s body was unstable. But the nurses and doctors checking him over and thinking that he is now able to heal better in a more comfortable environment. Felix had barely left his side, which was comforting and horrifying at the same time. Ethan’s brain was wobbly and the days seemed to turn into static, feeling numb. His body, something he was clinging to feeling like it wasn’t even his anymore. He rubbed his wrists and the back of his hands every so often to just feel like he was here. 

It was just too much. 

Mark was in the car to pick them up. The car was stuffy and the windows would fog up every couple of minutes, causing Mark to constantly switch from blasting the hot air, to it barely coming out. 

The car’s smell was so nostalgic, Ethan’s stomach gurgled in response to active wolf inside his stomach. It was like his wolf mind was stuck in his human body and he was between. Felix and Mark unaware that Ethan’s days were so closely numbered. He had his arms so closely wrapped around his stomach. He wished like anything, that this hadn’t happened so that the barely lingering humanity he had left wouldn’t torture him with the thoughts that he had to leave his family behind, again. And that he would die alone. No-one knowing where he was or how it had happened. Just his body becoming a part of the earth. 

His breath was starting to hitch up in the back of his throat. He sucked in a tight breath. The world seemed so hell bent to make him know that everything has its end, it wouldn’t let him off easy now. 

~~~  
Signe walked with sean and Robin through town. They all gathered around the small ‘hipster- chic’ café. The coffee was owned by an Australian man who so carefully woven the milk and ground coffee beans into a heavenly mixture that it was almost like drinking liquid gold. Signe watched the boy’s faces melt in pure pleasure. When their eyes opened, she saw the happiness linger in their smiles and shining eyes. 

“Its good, isn’t it?” She raised her eyebrows, taking in a sip for herself. 

“F’er sure!” Sean exclaimed loudly and Robin nodding enthusiastically. They had settled into a little nook in the corner of the shop, next to a big window that overlooked the dense forest, and the looming mountains. The sun, just barely able to warm this part of the hemisphere. 

“So,” Robin asked quietly. “You live in the big house in the woods?” 

“Yeah, my uncle’s one of the forest rangers. So he lives in one houses there to help out with some of the night duties.” She smiles, trying to hide the other reason why she stays there. 

“That was the one, with his wife? Who helped us last night?” Sean smiled, his baby blue eyes lingering a stare to long on Signe. She tried to hold back the blood rushing through her cheeks. There was definitely a pink glow now. 

“No, but he’s like my other uncle. Well, they’re not blood related. Neither is my ‘uncle’ who owns the house, but they might as well be.” Her eyes lingering to outside the window. “But I think he went to hospital with someone that got injured last night.” 

“Someone got hurt?” Robin questioned, lingering in his vowels.

“Well you guys got hurt.” Signe shrugged her attention still out the window. “But it may have been a coincidence. You never know.” 

“I guess.” Robin mumbled to himself quietly. The table settled in silence. 

“Anyways,” Sean quickly brought noise back into the conversation again. “Tell us about yourself Sig-knee.”

“Well, aha, firstly, its actually ‘C-nua’ “ She tried to say as nice as you could, but she couldn’t help a little bit of frustration slipping out. Everyone always said it wrong, and she sometimes couldn’t understand why people couldn’t just immediately get it right. 

Sean’s dreamy eyes suddenly widened a little and he covered his face in his one good hand, the other hanging limply in a sling.  
“I’ve been saying it wrong the whole time?!” He exclaimed, and then groaned into his hand. Signe perked up slightly at his reaction, no-one ever really got that embarrassed about pronouncing her name wrong. She placed her hand on the one his covering his face. 

“Don’t worry,” she smiled. “You’ll get something right someday.” Her smile turned into a mischievous grin. Robin gave a chuckle in response. 

“H-hey!” Sean’s pouted, coming out behind his hands. 

~~~ 

Ethan’s room was the same as he left it. Felix had not even entered the room once, since he knew that Ethan wasn’t coming back for the summer. That— was, a long summer. Felix’s head was swimming in uncertainty, that, and about 4 hours sleep over a 3-day span. The house was quiet. 

“I haven’t really told anyone.” Mark said, his voice almost like a shout in the echoing house. 

“That’s okay.” Felix said. Ethan just nodded in approval. 

“I’m just gonna lie down in my bed.” Ethan said so quietly. It seemed so weird to him that voices were coming out of his mouth. 

“Okay,” Felix said. “You’re okay on your own?” Trying not to coddle him, the boy was 20 for crying out loud. 

“I’m fine.” He smiled. His door closed with a soft whoosh.

Felix fell into the couch sighing. Mark beside him. 

“So—“ Mark sighed, and Felix just nodded. 

“This is crazy. Like he’s here.” Felix said out into the open. The words fell to the floor and he sank deeper into the couch. “Mark,” 

Mark stared out his friend. He could hear how much torment his body was doing. His fingernails practically down to the quick, his hair becoming wiry and thin. 

“I can’t say goodbye again.” 

Silent tears slid down Felix’s face, he didn’t choke or sob. The past three days had been too much and he felt like the weight on his shoulders had become too much. Thinking about how Ethan would succumb to the cold again and then never come back. The hopelessness of feeling like you will never be afraid of being loved. The sudden weight of fear latched onto Felix’s chest and he overflowed. 

Mark held onto the shaking shoulders of his friend, his brother. 

“I can’t Mark, I can’t. Please.” His eyes are streams, his mouth open to wails. He is a child again and he hates it. He hates it so much. His chest feeling as though a rubber band had wrapped around it. He couldn’t even look at Mark, he knew he was a failure. 

“Mat, Steph, Chase, Kathryn. They’re all gone.” Felix whispered. “And it’s all my fault cause I didn’t help them.” 

“No Felix, It’s not. You can’t let these thoughts deter you.” Mark rubs the shoulders of his friend. His friend who remained silent. “I know you get into these dark thoughts, but you can’t let them drag you down. For ever long we have Ethan, we should be lucky that—we should be grateful that he’s here. Okay?” 

Felix sniffled. The room grew heavy. He knew Mark was right, but he wanted to remain stubborn. He stood up, and rubbed his face. 

“I know you’re right, I just want to take a nap.” He says walking to his room. “But thank you.”

Mark sits back on the couch, his hand flying to his forehead as he sighs deeply. He stares at his phone. The black screen staring back at him. His mirrored face almost seemed to have a different expression as if to say: _What are you waiting for?_

“ _I’m waiting for a time to tell him_.” Mark thought

~~~~  
Ethan was sobbing profusely in his room. He was cursed to hear everything, but they were blessed with a more dulled hearing. Their wolfy senses growing duller every winter they stayed human. Even so, Ethan knew they could probably hear him through the thinner walls. He tried to shut his mouth but every crushing emotion was flowing into a giant sob. He wanted to wail and howl, screaming into the air that everything was just —.

His chest threatened to explode and leave everyone in its wake. He was tempted to just escape in the cold right now. Just to leave it all, it would sting for a second but then it would just fade. He wouldn’t remember. His stomach seemed to settle just a little more thinking that. He decided, if he left now, it wouldn’t matter and then he could never remember. His feet landed on the hardwood floor when a stinging pain shot up from his leg. He forgot the reason why he’s human. Someone shot him. He had to warn someone, there was someone out here wanting to shoot the ‘wolves. 

He walked hesitantly out of his room, and Mark is on the lounge still, he’s slumped with his legs stretched out. He sighs out loud again. 

“Mark?” His voice sounds weird coming out of his mouth still. Like he can’t believe he’s able to talk like a normal person. 

“Eth?” He smiles, and sits up straighter. But his face changes when he turns towards me. “Hey, did you hear everything?”

Ethan was planning to just ignore the question and tell Mark straight, that there was danger afoot. That everyone needs to be wary. “ Did I mess everyone up while I was gone?”

“Oh, Ethan no!” Mark sounds so paternal, he’s always been a bit like that. Silly or serious when the situation needed it. “It’s been a bit rough… when you were gone, we just thought — you’re so young Ethan. It seems odd that it would affect you like that. I still can’t wrap my head around it.” 

“The universe just wants its revenge against me. It’ my karma for messing everything up.” Ethan looked away.

“Eth, that’s not - gosh- Felix has rubbed off on you too much.” He sighs but it’s out of dramatic flair than annoyance, in fact Ethan can see him smile out of the corner of his eye. “You guys, like to focus on the bad things, the pessimistic side of nature. While, Ethan, you have every right to think that, I just want you to know that there are good things in your life, and while I don’t want to preach it to you, but they’re definitely there.” 

Ethan sits beside Mark, sliding down from sitting on the arm of the chair. He tries to think about the good things in his life. He used to be able to count his blessings, after that first winter it started to get better. He used to ignore what happened before he left the watery edge of Maine, his friends and his … mother. He sometimes used to think of his mom before he slept, and he was always so close to calling her number and hearing her voice when he stopped. He couldn’t call her, not after what happened. She wouldn’t want to hear from him anymore. That her son was a monster. So, he never called her, and eventually his finger didn’t linger over her number, and soon his head was filled with memories of his new family. 

“There is, I just get caught up in it all. I just… wish that it didn’t have to be in these circumstances.” He smiles sadly, looking up to Mark. He really did see a father like authority in him also. He was the calm mountain in amongst it all. Mark wrapped him in a tight hug, and they pulled apart into a lighter silence. 

“Now, do you want me to smash you in Mario Kart, ‘cause I’ve been practicing.” He smiles grabbing the old dusty DS’s that never get used anymore. 

“I don’t care how long I was away, I can still kick your ass.” He grabs the pink DS, the familiar controls becoming extensions of himself. While his world was crashing around him, he was grateful for his blessings, even if they were numbered. 

~~~  
Robin was sweating in the backseat. His body was used to colder temperatures, so he was extra sensitive to heat. However, this area of the woods was extra cold. The winter winds were obviously letting them know they were taking over this hemisphere very soon. He noticed the Signe’s hand on the temperature dial, it was getting closer to the hottest setting every couple of seconds. He doubted the Sean was aware, cause his eyes were on her face than her hands. 

Girls weren’t usually his weakness, he was able to go around and use them for information. He wasn’t a romantic, but he could surely act like one. He was able to act well, and Robin kinda admired him for it. Robin was more stoic and reserved, but he liked to be that way. He chose his friends and stayed loyal to them, that’s why he was here. Sean had been there for him since ages, and he stayed that way through all the ups and downs. 

Robin noticed many things, and he owed it to Sean to tell him, but he’d wait. This seemed important to him. He’d wait until he could full prove it. But he was almost certain, that Signe wasn’t usually present for these winter chills. 

~~~  
Signe had realised that the boys had no place to go, and she knew the house wasn’t a good idea. It was a terrible idea, but she wanted to indulge. She wanted to prove to everyone that she wasn’t shifting this winter, because of Sean. He would be the end to her curse. Her whole culmination wanted to believe that it was true. That she could relish in the Winter holidays again. It would happen. She wanted it to happen.

When she opened the door to the house, she huffed a warm breath, and aimed to quickly shut the door. The boys behind her marvelled at the house again, as they were now properly looking at the architecture with proper eyes now. 

“Whoa, I didn’t realise how big this house is!” Sean exclaimed. 

“Ahah yeah,” Signe laughed breathily, rubbing the back of her neck. “Let’s see if I can get one of the spare room sorted.” 

“One of!” Sean exclaimed, dumbfounded. Robin slunk behind them both, but chuckled lightly. 

Signe could hear the tv making muffled noises, and she hesitantly walked into the media room. She saw Mark and … Ethan. Both who were asleep. Mark was asleep restfully leaning into the back of the couch, with his arms crossed. Ethan was leaning on top him, his breath like a soft feather.

“Ethan?” her voice wavered. Mark woke up, and stared at Signe. He smiled, but pushed one finger on his lips. His eyes clouded and she could a see a small frown almost frown when he saw Sean and Robin peep in behind her. He lightly leaned Ethan onto the armrest and seamlessly pushed himself off the couch. Ethan didn’t even stir, his breaths remained soft and still. Mark gestured lightly to the kitchen. 

“Mark, is that—is he real?” She almost had tears threatening from her eyes. 

“He is real. They’ve just come back from the –“ He stared at Sean and Robin. “hospital.” 

She turned to the boys, who were smiling and stared around the kitchen. Sean quickly turned his head to hers and smiled warmly. Her heart swelled, and the tears were suddenly feeling less threatening. She smiled back, and turned to Mark, who still was wearing the small frown. They gently excused themselves and shuffled over to the next room. The leaned on the dining room table. 

“Are they staying here?” He asked politely.

“They’ve got nowhere else. And I just thought for one night, while we get stuff sorted. Especially since the campsite is closed now. The hotels everywhere will be starting to fill up.” She stared up at Mark, looking directly at him. 

“Just—just- please be cautious, I’ll inform everyone. But please, only one night. Ethan’s back and unstable, and I’m not sure about PJ or Tyler.” Mark rubs the back of his neck.

“How is –he? How did he, like, --get here?” Signe looked up at him. She wasn’t that much younger than him. But she still felt so young around him, she looked down at her legs stretched out. There were odd scars still lining around her toned legs. The woods were always chasing her. 

“I’m not too sure actually. Maybe ask Felix. But--later.” Mark’s voice dipped at the end and she understood. At first thinking it was the boys, but then realising that Felix’s mood had dipped. She quickly nodded and left the dining table. 

She turned around slightly. 

“Are you okay?” She said softly, and calmly, as if trying to soothe a wild animal. Mark sometimes forgot to look after himself when he was caring for others. Which was why everyone was slightly glad that Amy was able to just pull him out of it and force him to rest. 

“I’m fine.” He chuckled, looking down at him phone. 

“Okay. Thanks Mark,” She smiled and then walked back to the boys. 

~~~~  
Signe quickly lead the boys to the vacant room with a pull-out couch at the end of the hall, away from everyone else. Sean and Robin were sitting around on the floor whilst, she wrestled with the fitted sheet to actually not lift up from the corners. Sean’s arm still hung in a sling from the previous night, but it didn’t seem to bother him too much. They needed to get him to a dr, but he kept refusing, saying it was only a strain. 

“Will you boys be okay sharing the pull out?” Signe asked, wiping metaphoric sweat from her head. 

“I think we’re man enough.” Robin looked over to Sean. 

“It’ll only gently hurt our masculinity.” Sean pretended to tug at his heart with his good arm. 

“Are you sure your arm is alright?” Signe stared down at the bright white sling. It seemed fluorescent. It was fresh, never been used. Mostly cause the wolves could heal slightly quicker than regular people. Not greatly, but cuts and bruises would disappear in a day’s time, and broken bones could heal in matter of weeks. Their bodies had to be able to prepare quickly for any type of change. It had to learn to be adaptable. Unfortunately, it would be lost when you encounter love. As the wolf slowly melts away, so does the healing, and senses, although the latter would be more slow to dissipate.  
“Yeah, it’s fine. Nothing more than a bruise.” Sean waved it slightly, and although his voice pitched up just slightly, she believed him. 

“Okay, as long as you guys are okay.” 

“We’re peachy keen.” Robin smiled. Signe smiled too, and started to leave the room. Getting ready to go bed herself. 

It had been a bit of an awkward dinner, with Felix staying with Ethan in his room, who was still asleep. Mark had quickly made some stir fry dish, using all the leftover vegetables and meat leftover from the past week. After, they made hot chocolate and stayed in the spare room down the hall chatting away. 

“Good night you guys.” 

“Wait!” Robin said, “Is it okay if I grab a drink of water before bed?” 

“Yeah?” Signe laughed slightly, not in a mean way. “You know where the kitchen is?” 

He nodded and started to get up. He left the room, and saw Signe enter her room. He padded down the stairs and quickly saw the light on in the kitchen. The small dining room next to it was slightly more visible to Robin’s eye, and he could hear movement in the kitchen. He slowly inched his way to the kitchen, and met eyes with someone he hadn’t really seen before. But the eyes, they were familiar. 

~~~  
The man was staring at him, his wolf brain was going crazy. His scent familiar and threatening. It was near his family, and stiffened up. Ethan felt his heart rate rising in intensity. In front of him was one of the men that had shot at him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HmmMmMmmMmM??? 
> 
> Sorry about the wavy plot, i have a slight structure i'm following, but i also like to deviate and find how i'm getting to different plots and places. So please feel free to give feedback if you so desire. 
> 
> (Also I know that Signe's name is pronouced differently, [Its on her tumblr FAQ, if your wondering how it sounds] but ahah i was struggling to write the actual Danish sounding in the fic, but its there.) 
> 
> I was really devastated about the news of Signe and Sean. I hope they're doing okay. But i questioned if that would some how affect the plot of the story? and I think it wont. But maybe there may be a new twist planned??? i'm not sure, but yeah. 
> 
> Anyways enjoy this new chap! sorry again for the lateness, but ahah Uni waits for no-one.


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